Category: Motivation

Primum non nocere

‘First do no harm.’ Health care professionals understand that in some situations doing nothing is better than intervening and causing more problems. Sometimes I think teachers operate under a mistaken belief that they have the same responsibility when it comes to helping students.

The past two weeks were difficult on our youngest daughter… a college sophomore. One of her best friend’s sister – who is our goddaughter – died after a lifetime of physical challenges, then the mother of the two kids Kirsten watched last summer succumbed to terminal cancer. Burdened by grief and sadness, she’s struggling to keep up – and since she’s a straight A student this, too, is adding stress and pressure.

One of her classes is quite challenging and she has a test on Monday. So she approached the professor today, explained she missed a class last week to attend a funeral and asked him to clarify a few things she didn’t understand. His response: “I don’t have time to re-lecture. You’ll need to come to office hours and get the notes from someone else.” Office hours aren’t an option because the few he keeps are during times she has other classes. So she reached out to another student and realized that person didn’t have notes on what she missed.

She emailed the professor, again explaining her challenge, including: “I would not have emailed unless I truly did not know the answers to these questions, so I would greatly appreciate it if you are able to answer these.”

His response? “I’m truly sorry but I really don’t have the time over the weekend to type up my lecture notes. Please e-mail your classmates to see if anyone can help you.”

I’ve never met this professor – although I knew a few like him nearly 40 years ago when I was in college – so I don’t understand his philosophy. What I do know is students are at college to learn, professors are there to guide them on the journey, and parents/guardians/students pay a lot of money for that exchange of value.

By doing nothing, he missed an opportunity to help a student who is hurting and reached out. Instead of being a beacon of inspirational hope, he became an obstruction who added to her pain. Perhaps he was absent as a student on the day one of his professors lectured on that responsibility.

I do know Kirsten is strong and will make it despite his reluctance to help.

Per Angusta Ad Augusta: Through difficulties to great things

Three Sundays ago our pastor gave a sermon on mercy and forgiveness. At the end, he said, “When you leave today, think about someone you need to forgive, then write them a letter. Don’t go into details and don’t expect a response.” Then he said: “Now some of you might recall doing this a few years ago. Maybe it’s time for a reminder.”

I’m not sure he was looking at me,  yet I knew what he meant. About 15 years ago, Father John made the same recommendation – and I listened. There was someone who had hurt me… and I couldn’t get past it. Although I hadn’t seen that person in years, it continued to bother me.

So I bought a card, wrote a short note, mailed it… and let the past go. That felt wonderful – even though, as expected, he never acknowledged receiving it. I didn’t see him again for more than a decade, and instead of holding on to that ‘thing,’ I was able to visit with him and enjoy our brief time together.

After we left the church three weeks ago, I told Kathy: “I thought hard and there’s no one that comes to mind.” Fast forward to last Sunday. During Mass, out of nowhere, two faces popped into my head… and I knew immediately I needed to forgive them.

Both people are deceased. So instead of writing a letter I simply said aloud: “I am no longer holding that against you.” Releasing what they did relieved my apparently long-held – and long-forgotten – grudge.