Creating Space

One of my friends shared with me this month the approach he’s taking to be more empathetic toward others. He switched from a ‘me first’ attitude to a ‘you first’ style.

A few months ago he began looking at how he relates to others by focusing on ‘Free from / Free for’. Allowing himself to be free from things that are important to him so he can be free for listening more closely to the person right in front of him.

“I went to a meeting,” he told me, “and there was a person who I needed to get answers from. I started to approach him to ask questions, caught myself and instead said hello and kept my mouth shut. That person then shared something that was important to him. Had I followed my natural tendency – jump right in to solve my concern – I would have missed the chance to help him.”

‘Free from (myself) to be free for (others)’ opens up a lot of possibilities. It also works in other areas of life…

Free from (watching the Super Bowl) to be free for (spending time with my family)
Free from (checking Twitter) to be free for (reading a business article)
Free from (parking near the entry) to be free for (getting exercise walking)

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Major Disappointment

In September 2017, Hurricane Harvey devasted a large part of Houston. During the following weeks, the Astros run to the World Series energized and united the city. Much of America got behind the team – and ‘Houston Strong’ became the rallying cry.

The Astros had more success – making it to the ALCS in 2018 and the World Series last year. Then the bottom fell out. A former player went on the record about a massive cheating effort to steal opponents’ signs. The Commissioner’s investigation verified the allegations and he took swift and harsh action.

Failing to act cost the General Manager and Manager their jobs. It cost the New York Mets and Boston Red Sox their Managers who had ties to the Astros. It impacts the legacies of several All-Star players. It forever taints the Astros World Series rings.

While sports may hold too high a priority given the world’s many problems, they serve as a window into the soul of a community. For an area that struggled to overcome the moniker ‘Choke City’ – a curse finally lifted by those 2017 Astros – this is one more gut punch.

Several people had the opportunity to end the cheating and let it continue. The end justified the means. The lesson? See something. Say something. Do something. Never stand by idly and look the other way. The light of truth will ultimately shine on you.

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Family Fun

In the early days of our marriage, Kathy and I – huge college football fans – had a competition between us each year to pick winners of the New Year’s Day bowl games. (This is when there used to be lots of games that day.)

Having moved away from DFW, we returned in 2003 to be with my siblings and rang in the New Year at our good friends’ house. So naturally we invited them and our young kids to join in the fun.

Then in 2009, we extended it further… including my brothers and sister, and their spouses – and starting with games that begin the day after Christmas. This year the Handler Family Bowl Pool had 33 participants – extending now to my nieces and nephews and their significant others, plus their own growing generation of children.

The morning after each set of games, I email a spreadsheet and commentary to everyone… holding their interest through the Championship game. It’s a highly competitive family event.

While I’m the biggest football fan – and watch more games than anyone – over nearly 30 years, I’ve never won. Several times some folks who never watch claimed first place. (Like the time the winner picked all the teams that wear red!) Which is exactly why I NEVER gamble on football.

Side Note: Kathy quit participating long ago, because picking winners interfered with her enjoyment of the games. So we started a new tradition: Schlocky Hallmark Christmas movies. This year we watched 21. I love the holidays!

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More Lessons Learned 2019

Part II of II

Looking back on the final year of the decade, here are five more Lessons Learned during 2019:

Small Step – One of the best books I read in 2019 is “Atomic Habits” by James Clear. Using the analogy of breaking down everything to its smallest part, when it comes to improving yourself, it’s important to not make each step along the way too big of a leap. Thus, if you want to run a marathon, the first thing you do is walk to the end of your block, not try to run five miles. If you want to lose weight, don’t diet, just use a smaller plate and avoid seconds. If you want to memorize a poem, focus today on the first stanza. Seems like an excellent approach… and fitting during this 50th anniversary of the Moon Shot and Neil Armstrong’s famous words.

Quickly Forgotten – A lot of my travel is to work with leaders to create a culture of safety within their high-risk facilities. Thus, I try to live what I teach. Of course, we’re most likely to forget about working safely when under a time crunch or when our thoughts are elsewhere. On Sunday, as our oldest helped me wrap Christmas lights around two pine trees, I set the staple gun on the top step of a ladder before climbing down. Then I said, “Let’s move the ladder over here.” When I picked it up, the staple gun fell five feet… hitting me in the clavicle. A couple of inches to the right and I might have had a head injury.

Getting Faster – Next week marks 21 years in our home, so it was built before technology became a major focus. We’ve upgraded here and there; however, our WiFi speed always seemed slow. So when AT&T offered an upgrade to more bandwith at about the same monthly cost, we jumped. When the installer finished, he asked why we did it. I told him to make things faster, and he said, “I don’t think this is going to solve that.” Wait, what? “You need a WiFi net to increase speed.” One month, lots of research, and $200 later, I installed an Orbi Tri-band system in about 30 minutes… and our speeds doubled.

Solution Rediscovered – The best quote I saw for the first time this year is attributed to the 17th century French mathematician and scientist Blaise Pascal: “All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.” Seems especially relevant in today’s continually connected, always engaged, checking email, texts and Twitter society.

Gift Giving – If you’re looking for an end-of-year goodwill gesture, please consider contributing to an organization based in the Dominican Republic, where 20 percent live in extreme poverty. Puente – “bridge” in Spanish – utilizes mobile data technology to survey locals and pinpoint where needs exist, then identifies solutions and finds partners to deliver them. For example, Puente distributes water filters, constructs bathrooms and floors, and organizes short-term medical brigades. The son of our lifelong friends left his career 18 months ago to move there and co-found Puente, which has helped more than 180 families during the past six months.

I’ll conclude with this quote from an unknown source: “May you never be too grown up to search the skies on Christmas Eve.”

Merry Christmas. Happy Holidays. Seasons Greetings. May 2020 bring clear vision for you… and continued success in all things.

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Lessons Learned 2019

Part I of II

Continuing the tradition I started more than a decade ago while reflecting on the year, here are some of the biggest lessons I learned during the past 12 months:

Gen Why – ‘OK, Boomer’ became a thing this year… and I have to admit – much like mansplaining – it’s real. So often those of us of a certain age think we have all the answers…and are quick to share them with those who haven’t lived as long. While I doubt this is any different than how past generations passed along wisdom, we should realize ‘kids’ today are smart whippersnappers and don’t need our constant input. (Note: I would have used ‘meme’ instead of ‘thing’ in the first sentence except many born between 1946 and 1964 wouldn’t know what it means.)

Travelin’ Man – During my sports television days, I spent a lot of weekends on the road: more than 30 the last year I worked in that industry. Then as the kids entered ‘busy’ years, I changed careers twice and stayed home most of the time to help out with sports and other activities. That held true my first decade as a coach; however, recently I’ve been away a lot more. This year, the number of nights not spent in my own bed was 90. When I told Kathy how much I appreciate her understanding my time away, she said: “Now that the kids are grown, I’m fine with it.”

Big Apple – In my twenties, I twice turned down opportunities to relocate to further my television career. I couldn’t pull the trigger on moving away from my Texas family and friends. Meanwhile… our youngest, a senior in college, just finished a semester with an internship and taking classes in New York City. A decade ago, our oldest spent a summer studying in France. Our son is 25 and lives in Nashville. While it may not hold true for every family, in our house, the next generation is more mobile, flexible and confident than I was at that age.

Bowled Over – On New Year’s night, my beloved Texas Longhorns upset Georgia in the Sugar Bowl – and in the postgame celebration, quarterback Sam Ellinger said, ‘We’re baaack,’ as an exclamation point that nine years of mediocrity was over. Well… Texas went 7-5 this season and it seems the only thing ‘baaack’ is continuing underachievement for the nation’s wealthiest collegiate athletic department. Be careful what you say, and remember success is fleeting, so don’t ever consider things settled.

Free Stylin’ – A few years ago I made a commitment to post to this blog three times each month – and I try hard to honor it. Recently, one of my clients asked what book I’m going to write at age 70… which arrives in 2030. I don’t have the answer; however, I keep sitting down at the keyboard and working on improving my skills. Jerry Seinfeld is credited with the ‘Don’t Break the Chain’ theory about his dedication to writing comedy every single day. That’s a good philosophy to adopt around focusing on all your personal and business goals.

Tomorrow: Atomic Habits

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