Category: Motivation

As a coach, I provide a lot of feedback to clients, including observations when ‘shadowing’ them during ‘in-the-moment’ interactions with others. I also interview supervisors, peers and direct reports and give clients written quotes without attribution, so they read others’ perceptions as offered.

Before reviewing the feedback report together, I say it’s important to keep in mind this is someone’s opinion… and it was there yesterday even if you weren’t aware of it. I also suggest ‘catching’ feedback away from themselves and taking time to ponder whether they’ve heard it before or if it’s new data. Finally, I remind them the best response when someone offers feedback is simply to say thank you. It’s provided as a gift, and there’s no need to defend or deflect, just let it be.

Of course, that’s easier said than done. Feedback is a highly personal issue. It’s often surprising and sometimes upsetting. Each year after producing the annual conference for a franchisor, I receive a document with survey numbers and comments from attendees. Just a few weeks ago, most of the responses were highly positive; however, my mind tends to focus on the few that point out where we fell short.

It’s interesting that retention of feedback tends to lean toward the minority of less-than-stellar comments… while forgetting about the many complimentary ones.

So next time you receive feedback, smile, say thank you, and – after a few days – consider how to build on your many strengths… and pick out a couple of things that resonate with you as areas to improve. You’ll get the biggest benefit that way.

In the midst of a rainy morning in 1983, I inadvertently misjudged a curve on a slick entrance ramp to a freeway near downtown Fort Worth and slid to the right. I bounced off the passenger-side concrete barrier then caromed directly across and hit the driver side. When I got out to inspect the damage, all four corner panels were severely damaged. I was able to drive it a few miles to my father’s furniture store. His reaction upon seeing it: I’m glad you’re ok.

Unfortunately, the insurance company totaled that loaded 1978 Olds Cutlass my parents had given me three years earlier. (We’re talking 8-track, AM-FM stereo, bucket seats, power windows and power locks loaded.)

I needed new wheels and after a few days went with my dad to the local Toyota dealer and purchased a new white Celica GT hatchback with a rear window louver. Since I didn’t know how to shift a manual transmission, my father drove us home. The next morning – having had 10 minutes of shifting lessons from dad – I left for the 30-mile drive to Dallas… and ended up stalling several times trying to get into first gear on a small hill near my office. It was embarrassing, although I don’t recall anyone honking or having road rage because of my ineptitude.

Reflecting on my 23-year-old self’s decision to spend $13,000 on a new car when my salary was a whopping $18,000 per year, I’m surprised by my decision. I wasn’t trying to keep up with my friends – none of them had new wheels – and I’m not a car guy. I just liked that Toyota and decided to get it.

Last month, my son bought his first new automobile. I helped him navigate the nuances of car shopping… and our day together brought back great memories of an enjoyable experience with my father. Perhaps some 35 years from now, he might get to have a similar outing with his son.

Many years ago I read that Stephen R. Covey – he of the ‘Seven Habits’ – had a phone call every work night wherever he was to report out to a friend what he had and had not accomplished that day toward his stated goals.

That approach resonates with me, so in March I began having regular late afternoon check-ins with my Accountabilibuddy, a fellow coach I met in a training class we took together. While I can’t say we do it every day – never claimed I was a master of the ‘Habits’ – we’re batting a solid .850 on connecting with each other.

The process is simple. We each selected three goals to begin working on day one. The first time my friend called me… and we were off and running with a regular routine.

After about a minute of pleasantries, the dialer says, ‘What did you do today in support of your goals?’ The other person scores his efforts for each one on a zero to 10 scale… and says what he will do tomorrow. Then the roles flip. At the end, we set the next call time, decide who is the designated dialer and say goodbye. All of this happens in less than 10 minutes.

Sharing goals and updates with a detached observer has its benefits. No judgments. No sidebars. No excuses. Just ‘did I’ or ‘didn’t I’ and ‘what I’m going to do next.’ Within six weeks, I checked off a big goal and elevated the next one. While I haven’t knocked off another, nearly every day I’m doing something to move forward.