Category: Marketing

“Billy Ray Cyrus and Alan Thicke, please come get your children.” Those were the comments of a local radio host the day after MTV’s Video Music Awards.

“Miley, what exactly were you thinking?” So reads the headline on the CNN website today.

Without coming across as a grumpy old man – or one of those ‘Rock and Roll will ruin our youth’ parents from the 50’s – I don’t understand what compels former Disney stars to go so far off the deep end in order to change their images. (Two weeks ago, as I walked out of the YMCA following my morning swim, I glanced at the TV. There was Selena Gomez performing live on GMA… grinding on stage like some lap dancer at Rick’s.)

I get that these almost-grown-up stars want to leave Hannah Montana and Alex Russo behind and reach a new audience. However, is it really necessary to be the exact opposite of the character that made you famous… and wealthy? I’m not sure if you would call what Miley did at the VMA’s art; however, the publicity – mostly negative, by the way – will likely sell a lot of records and concert tickets. At worst, she flipped her middle finger at the past and said, “This is the real me, world.”

You know from experience that former childhood stars have to go through a lot of growing pains – Kirk Cameron aside – before finding themselves as adults. Some make it through: Britney Spears is a good example of sinking to the depths and recovering. Others continue on the fast track to hitting bottom… making headlines for the wrong reasons. Lindsay Lohan is this generation’s poster child, with Amanda Bynes trying hard to catch her.

Given the history of ‘use and discard celebrities’ to make a lot of money, I’m guessing producers are providing guidance on what sells in America today. Unfortunately, these stories often end tragically. As a parent, it makes me glad our three children weren’t blessed with that kind of – and I use the word loosely – talent. Where have you gone Annette Funicello? A nation turns its lonely eyes to you.

For 16 years beginning in 1989, the niece of  William Faulkner held a writing contest in which ‘Fauxners’ were invited to parody the Nobel laureate’s unique style in a brief essay. I recall reading the annual summaries in the onboard magazine of the airline that sponsored the events. Here’s an excerpt from the winning entry of 1995:

When Miss Grimly Gruesome sighed (“Oh Lobe. There’s a bad smell in here again. Lobe? Lobe!”) we had been standing on her lawn for forty-four years, still waiting to collect the library fines she owed and probably wouldn’t pay tomorrow, or even tomorrow and tomorrow, while she kept her squarish round frame in an enroached and ex-spired old Gothic two-story-split, a nosesore among eyesores, hearing her complain to her manservant….

Since I fancy myself a pretty good writer, I occasionally wonder how the opening line in my own novel would read. (Mind you, I don’t intend to publish in the next decade… I just like daydreaming about a reader experiencing those critical first words.)

I’m certain mine wouldn’t begin: “It was a dark and stormy night.” Those, penned in 1830 by Edward George Bulwer-Lytton to begin Paul Clifford, are synonymous with weak writing. In my fantasy world, the wonderful prose would be closer to Melville’s “Call me Ishmael” in Moby-Dick, or perhaps “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…” by Dickens in A Tale of Two Cities, or “In my younger and more vulnerable years my father gave me some advice that I’ve been turning over in my mind ever since,” by Fitzgerald to start The Great Gatsby.

The initial words set the tone… capture the reader. I’m not sure if authors pen the opening and the rest flows – although J.K. Rowling says Harry Potter came to her fully formed before she began all 4,100 pages in the series with “Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much.”

In case you’re curious, and I don’t want to leave you with a cliffhanger, while I have no idea of the plot or ending, my first words would be: “Tomorrow. That’s when everything started.”

Since three of our best fiction writers – Faulkner, Willie Morris and John Grisham – all have roots in Oxford, Mississippi, maybe the first thing I would do before starting the next great American novel is move there.

Houston is one hot real estate market. Home valuations are rising – they declined little during the recession, so this is equity gain – and a ‘For Sale’ sign isn’t up long before a Realtor® returns to attach ‘Sold’ to it. Our friends around the corner decided to move and met with an agent to discuss the potential value of their home. She provided a professional recommendation and my buddy said, “We’re not in a hurry – add $10,000.” Two days later they received an offer for 100% of the asking price.

Fueled by the energy industry – especially ExxonMobil’s upcoming relocation of thousands to a 385-acre campus in The Woodlands – land-rich Houston finds itself with a sudden short supply of housing. Of course, you never know what’s around the corner. For a decade beginning in 1985, Houston endured a malaise when oil and gas giants stopped hiring and the local economy came to a standstill. While this is a much more diverse area today, long-time residents haven’t forgotten that experience.

These might be halcyon days before the fall. So, enjoy the fruits of your labor, fellow citizens, and remember to save something for tomorrow just in case. For those who fail to learn from history…