Category: Commentary

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Cold Shoulders

When you live in Texas and see news about snowstorms affecting other parts of the country, you think, “Glad that’s not us.” Until, of course, when the Super Bowl decides to come to DFW. Watching ESPN the past few days, folks across America could have been convinced the Lone Star State is frozen tundra during February. Even here in Houston – 270 miles to the south – they’re predicting several inches of snow over the next 24 hours.

It’s amazing how easily perceptions are embedded deeply in folk’s minds. In my coaching work with executives, I’ll interview a dozen people the client feels know him or her best, then share their quotes without attribution. Inevitably I’ll hear from the client, “That comment about me being condescending refers to one thing that happened a couple of years ago.” Yet there it is, a big enough issue to a team member that he felt the need to tell me about it during our 15-minute conversation.

While a single comment may or may not be relevant to a leader’s long-term success, understanding that supervisors, peers and direct reports have long memories is important. That quip you blurt out in a meeting that makes light of someone’s slip-up – the one everybody laughs at and you think is completely harmless – may have a lasting impact on your relationship with the object of your humor.

The snow in DFW will be forgotten once the NFL leaves town and temperatures rise; perceptions others hold of you aren’t so easily changed. So if your relationship with someone seems to be on ice, ask her what you did. If she tells you, apologize. Chances are it’s not too late to repair the misstep you don’t remember and warm up the chill in the air.

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I’m Just Saying

Recently I decided to disengage from some of the community involvement in my life. I’m not re-upping for a board position when my three-year term is up in May, and in the past week I turned down two new requests to join committees. The reason is simple, if self-centered: our two kids remaining at home are teenagers who participate in sports, and I don’t want to miss any more of their games.

Interestingly, saying ‘No’ is one of the hardest things for many people – and occasionally a challenge for me. That’s why my business partner (who’s also my wife) will sit me down every so often and say, “So tell me again why you agreed to do that.” The reasons for this inability to decline, at least in my case, are based on: 1) wanting to please; and 2) not wanting to miss out on something that could ultimately lead to more revenue.

Over the weekend I facilitated the recurring quarterly meeting of one the focus groups I lead. As the seven business owners presented their financial statements and “Rocks” (read: 2011 goals), half of them spoke of things they need to stop doing. They, too, struggle with knowing when enough is enough – or recognizing when less becomes more.

My recent decisions were made easier by the response I received from one of the folks who asked me to be on his committee: “David, your desire to be with your family at this critical time during their youth is respected and understood. We will indeed miss your wisdom and intuition about institutional dynamics. Please know that even though you may not be formally involved, your input is ALWAYS welcome.”

There will be more opportunities to serve down the road. Keep that in mind the next time someone asks, and your instincts are shouting, “I need to pass on this one.” Go with your gut. You’ll come out ahead in the long run.

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Lessons Learned – #1

The final lesson I learn each year isn’t business wisdom. It’s about recognizing a higher calling. Usually I introduce a charity that’s doing good things. For 2010 I took a different approach:

Gift of Giving – If you’re looking to spread some Christmas cheer or need a last-minute tax deduction, find a worthy cause that’s helping those in your local community. Something tells me they could use your kindness right now.

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Lessons Learned – #2

The countdown of the Top 10 lessons I learned during 2010 is almost complete. Here’s #2:

Humility Dose– For a decade my beloved Texas Longhorns were a mainstay near the top of the college football rankings. This year, an ugly seven losses. Fallout? Offensive coordinator and special teams coaches fired; defensive coordinator resigned to become the head coach at Florida. Organizations occasionally face times like these. It will be interesting to see how Mack Brown handles his greatest leadership challenge.

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Lessons Learned – #3

What’s the third most important lesson I learned during 2010?

Big Oops II – During a leadership meeting I facilitated, someone asked how to overcome those times when what you say comes out wrong. I eloquently explained: “If you speak in public, you’ll slip on occasion. Apologize and move on.” Two hours later, another person asked how to confront a team member who gets upset easily. My response: “Begin by acknowledging the conversation could become emotional.” I immediately felt the energy drain from the room, which consisted of 28 women and four men. For the next half hour the discussion was ‘words a guy should never say to a woman.’ Of course, I apologized… several times. My face may have turned red, too.

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