Coach Me

Senior executives I connect with have a recurring theme about their organizations: How equipped are our leaders to coach their team?

Employees – especially those in the latest generations – don’t just need someone to direct their tasks. They want leaders who guide, inspire, and empower them.

Coaching is becoming a core leadership competency. Yet, many organizations still have leaders focused on metrics and performance reviews, instead of having them hold ongoing meaningful dialogue with their employees.

If this is true in your organization, there is a path to improve how your leaders engage with their direct reports:

·       Invest in developing coaching skills at all levels of leadership

·       Encourage asking open-ended questions that spark self-reflection

·       Move toward a culture where two-way feedback is standard

This shift in your approach could lead to stronger engagement, higher retention, and thriving teams. 

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Lessons Learned

Every December for the past 18 years, I recap the biggest lessons I learned during the past 12 months:

Chill Factor – This was a rollercoaster year of headlines. “Recession on the horizon. Interest rates climb. Stocks retreat.” “Recession fears alleviated. Interest rates fall. Stock market soars.” “Biden in. Biden out. Harris in.” “Shots fired at Trump.” “Polls say Harris will win.” “Trump reclaims presidency.” Add all the international turmoil and… weeeee!… life is one wild ride. My takeaway? We’re never really in control, so better to learn from the year’s biggest blockbuster – Inside Out 2 – and reduce Anxiety. After all, more surprises will come.

Single Focus – While we create a one-page business plan each year, I’m not a New Year’s Resolution type. A couple weeks ago, one of our LAH Insight alliance coaches shared something he does: choose one word as an annual theme. In hindsight, our word for 2024 was ‘agility’ – as we adapted systems to grow our coaches from three to 18. Still deciding what the new word will be. Leader in the clubhouse is ‘discipline’ with ‘capitalize’ still on the course.

Working Above – Our kids are at the point in their careers where they’re learning to manage up. Sometimes that is rewarding… when a boss or N+2 supports them. Sometimes that can be frustrating… when a boss or N+2 says that’s not how we do it here. Those who already made this journey understand the challenges of navigating others who have ‘go for it’ and ‘nix’ privilege. If you’re in mid- or upper- management, maybe pause to consider where you could be more open to new ideas. If you’re on the way up, remember how this felt when you’re in charge.

Query This – An 81-year-old Vietnam veteran introduced a few coaching peers and me to ChatGPT in December 2022. I soon became comfortable using it and Claude.ai for kickstarting ideas. In September, I watched Gary Sanchez – founder of the Why Institute – interview his virtual self. Now when prepping for a WHY.os Discovery debriefing, I have a five-minute ‘conversation’ with GaryBot to get the master’s take. Makes me wonder what even more impressive AI is on the horizon elsewhere that will make life easier.

Checking In – There is a theory people come into your life when they are needed. Some stick around. Others drift away. Recently, I called a longtime friend after his mother died. While I haven’t seen him in person in a long time, we picked up as if he still lived a few blocks away. At the end he summarized this philosophy perfectly: “In sales, I talk to 10 people every day and I don’t care about their personal life. Spending 30 minutes with you just now made my day.”

Curtain Call – Best quote I heard from a client in 2024 was about being comfortable with whatever happens and confident you’ll make the right decision: “Life is not a dress rehearsal; it’s show time.” 

Blocked Writer – Beginning in 2010, I devotedly wrote three blogs every month. Then in the fall I realized my last entry was in April. Ramping up an expanded coaching practice took priority… and I allowed my pen to dry up. Of course, excuses are worthless, so I am putting it in writing here that I will return to creating those three entries beginning in January. Hold me accountable.

Life Stage – For years I joked, ‘My grandfather biological clock is ticking.’ Now we have two grandsons… and, of course, they’re the most adorable three-year-old and five-month-old in the world. Although they live west of Austin, we see them often thanks to UT football games. The oldest calls my wife Kathy ‘Birdie’ and me ‘Putt’ [IYKYK]. A friend told me, ‘Grandkids make having raised kids worthwhile.”

Remember When – I attended an online class where the presenter asked us to take five minutes to write down all the people we influenced over the years. “It’s who you impact during your lifetime that matters,” he said. I use a similar coaching technique with those at the backend of their careers: “At your retirement party, what will they say about you?” Who’s on your list?

Gift Giving – Each year during this reflection, I share a worthy charity that is making a difference in the world. As the son of a WWII Navy veteran, brother of an Army veteran, and son-in-law of a career Naval officer, Boot Campaign touches my heart. Their simple premise is to give back to those who serve(d) – and more than 92% of donations are returned in program services. During the past decade, they’ve helped honor and restore the lives of 9,500 veterans and military families through individualized, life-improving care. If you’re financially able, please consider making a contribution.

Finally, continuing the tradition, a quote from long ago that stands the test of time: “For uncounted millions, Christmas expresses the deepest hopes for a world of peace where love rather than mistrust will flourish between neighbors.” ~ John F. Kennedy

Merry Christmas. Happy Holidays. Season’s Greetings. Wishing you a wonderful 2025 that’s filled with peace, love, trust… and continued success in all things. 

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Extreme Intention

I grew up during a time when a child who was energetic and found it a challenge to focus was described as ‘fidgety’ or ‘has ants in the pants’ or ‘can’t sit still.’ While there was no test in the sixties for ADHD, the modern diagnosis describes 8-year-old me… and it’s still a challenge as my 64th birthday nears.

Whereas then I was constantly moving, had trouble remembering to do my homework, and would sit for hours reading the World Book Encyclopedia, now it shows up as tuning out in the middle of a discussion, continually pointing out things as I drive, and going deep down the Twitter or IMDB rabbit trail.

There are techniques I use to try and stay on track: look someone in the eye and ‘stack’ their comments to keep from tuning-out, make a ‘to do’ list each day and do the most important things first, practice mindfulness… intentionally thinking about what I’m doing – such as making the bed – to see how long I can go before my mind drifts down another path.

On the golf course, playing by myself, I put in AirPods and listen to podcasts or music. When I swim, it’s only me – no sound in my ears – and 45 minutes of counting freestyle strokes and trying to focus on prayer. During Zoom coaching, I don’t take any notes, looking straight ahead and actively listening to what a client is saying so that I don’t miss anything.

Nearly 40 years ago at a wedding, a lifelong friend I met in second grade told me: “You’re the best 20-second conversationalist I know.” I didn’t take it as a compliment then, and wouldn’t now; however, I do have a better understanding of the reason.

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Good Reads

Last month a client asked me what business books I recommend for a team of young leaders. I created a list several years ago and realized I hadn’t updated it in a while. Thus, here is a revised one – in reverse order of publication dates:

Generations – Jean Twenge (2023)

Better Decision Faster – Paul Epstein (2023)

Think Again – Adam Grant (2021)

Winning the War in You Mind – Craig Groeschel (2020)

Words Flow Through Me – David Handler (2020)

Leaders Eat Last – Simon Sinek (2020)

The Happiest Man on Earth – Eddie James (2020)

The Ride of a Lifetime – Bob Iger (2019)

Raise Your Game – Alan Stein Jr (2019)

Sea Stories – William McRaven (2019)

Dare to Lead – Brene’ Brown (2018)

Atomic Habits – James Clear (2018)

Make Your Bed – William McRaven (2017)

The Undoing Project – Michael Lewis (2016)

Misbehaving – Richard Thaler (2015)

Turn the Ship Around – David Marquet (2013)

Pendulum – Roy H. Williams (2012)

Thinking, Fast and Slow – Daniel Kahneman (2011)

Linchpin – Seth Godin (2010)

Leadership and Self Deception – The Arbinger Institute (2010)

Start With Why – Simon Sinek (2009)

Drive – Daniel Pink (2009)

Your Brain at Work – Dr. David Rock (2009)

Tribes – Seth Godin (2008)

Outliers – Malcolm Gladwell (2008)

The 4-Hour Work Week – Timothy Ferris (2007)

Walt Disney – Neil Gabler (2006)

Blink – Malcolm Gladwell (2005)

Blue Ocean Strategy – Renee’ Maubagne, W. Chad Kim (2004)

Five Dysfunctions of a Team – Patrick Lencioni (2002)

Good to Great – Jim Collins (2001)

Wealth Within Reach – Bud Hadfield (1995)

The Great Game of Business – Jack Stack (1992)

Seven Habits of Highly Effective People – Stephan Covey (1989)

Man’s Search for Meaning – Viktor Frankl (1946)

How to Win Friends and Influence People – Dale Carnegie (1936)

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Look Up

“It was a spiritual experience.”

“Thousands just stood in awe.”

“I definitely want to do it again.”

Those are real quotes from people I know.

They had not just had an audience with the pope… nor… watched Caitlin Clark swish from 35 feet… nor… attended their first Bruce Springsteen concert.

They had just seen the totality of the solar eclipse yesterday.

I imagine it was humbling to realize the small role our big blue marble plays in the expanse of the universe. Imagine if we could come together as one frequently – united for good – rather than wait until the moon does its thing again in 2044.

Side Note: Josh Groban did, in fact, have a religious experience this week, and afterward posted on Instagram: “Congregated at the church of Springsteen last night… and left feeling like my soul had taken a bath. Truly one of the best shows I’ve seen… He sounds incredible, he had us on our feet and punching the air, but the thing that really had me was his almost telepathic synergy with E Street. They are intertwined on a cellular level and it was an honor to see it live.” IYKYK

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