Lessons Learned – #8

Here is the eighth most important thing I learned this year:

Wins Galore – Last week Sports Illustrated honored college basketball coaches Pat Summitt and Mike Krzyzewski as its sportspeople of the year. I recently heard Coach K tell a story on Sirius XM about his 1989 Duke team. Christian Laettner had a bad turnover that cost the Blue Devils a game. Senior stars Danny Ferry and Quin Snyder immediately went over to console the freshman, who would go on to lead Duke to national titles his junior and senior seasons. “That’s collective teamwork,” said Coach K. “No blame. No criticism. No finger pointing. We always win and lose together.”

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Always Remember

Last week, our youngest – for an 8th grade class – had to interview someone about the ‘most historical moment’ of his/her lifetime. She chose her grandfather, who just celebrated his 80th birthday. He told her the assassination of JFK tops his list, as he was too young to remember Pearl Harbor, although having spent 27 years as a naval fighter pilot beginning in 1954, he certainly understands the meaning and significance of ‘a date which will live in infamy.’

I was three-and-a-half on November 22, 1963, and have been fascinated by JFK since my sophomore geography teacher told us about his experience as a senior in high school in Dallas on that fateful day. I’ve read most of the conspiracy books, watched all the famous news programs, walked Dealey Plaza and spent time in the Sixth Floor Museum. I’ve even seen Lee Harvey Oswald’s unmarked grave in Rose Hill cemetery – a hunt completed with my sister and brother-in-law on the 25th anniversary of the tragedy.

Today, we remember the victims of 9/11, so I asked our daughter – who’s a senior in college – what she recalls from being a sixth grader in 2001:

“They didn’t tell us about it right away, but we knew something was wrong, because teachers were crying and kids were being picked up. After a while we had this assembly, and the guy basically told us God had performed so many miracles that day, which didn’t make sense to me. Oh, and I remember asking one of the lunch aides why kids were leaving, and she said ‘must be a lot of dentist appointments.’ None of the adults knew how to handle the situation. They saw us as kids, but a lot changed for us on that day. As part of the post-9/11 generation, I think we would better handle something like this, or at least know how to talk about it.”

It’s a common conversation piece to ask those who experienced historical moments where they were and what they were doing when they found out. For those alive today, the discussions might include the Crash of 1929, Pearl Harbor, Germany’s surrender, Jackie Robinson, JFK, the Beatles on Ed Sullivan, Neil Armstrong, Nixon’s resignation, Challenger, the fall of the Berlin Wall and 9/11.

Of course, as time passes, memories become less clear. Yet, as long as we pause to reflect, those dramatic events will remain part of who we are as a nation. We’ll pass them on to future generations, and hopefully teach them new lessons. A friend who’s a printer made a magnet for clients a couple of weeks after 9/11. He gave one to us. It shows an American flag and says, “We Will Never Forget.” We haven’t. It’s still on our refrigerator.

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Burning Brightly

As I write this, the state of Texas is blazing. Sixty-four wildfires started in the past two days as lack of rain, strong winds and low humidity combine to create the perfect firestorm. The biggest conflagration is in central Texas – 500 homes destroyed and 30,000 acres burned in Bastrop. Less than 15 miles as the crow flies from our house northwest of Houston is an inferno that’s consumed 5,000 acres. This latest round comes after a series of fires in North Texas during the spring; the biggest one consumed 200,000 acres and destroyed 250 homes, including our good friends’ lake house.

Wind and rain are an annual threat to those living on the Gulf Coast. Each June, proactive citizens prepare for the worst: buying supplies, developing contingency plans and determining evacuation routes. Tropical Storm Alison flooded downtown in 2001. Hurricane Rita missed in 2005. Ike delivered a direct hit three years ago next week. Until the season ends in November, there is always the possibility of destruction.

Last week’s forecast that Tropical Storm Lee was heading this way brought anticipation of an end to the worst drought since the 1950’s. Instead, Lee took a right turn, all the rain went elsewhere and the backside winds flamed the raging fires. Much like the Dust Bowl that ravaged the Great Plains in the midst of the Great Depression, these roaring flames – along with Hurricane Irene that ravaged the East Coast – are piling on to the nation’s woes at the worst of times.

Life is busy. You get moving fast. Caught up in a lot of little things. Then one day you wake up and are told to evacuate your home… to leave behind all your memories. It’s a helpless feeling, and for some, all their keepsakes will be forever lost. Please take a moment right now in your thoughts to remember those affected by these natural disasters. Say a prayer, too, for the first responders and all those who lend a helping hand. As the 10th Anniversary of 9/11 arrives on Sunday, you know it’s times like these when America’s great light of care shines brightest.

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Foreword Thinking

Growing up I played a lot of golf with three lifelong friends. In 1980, the hottest summer on record before this one, we’d tee off at first daylight – 6 a.m. – to beat the heat. Those were great times and I have lasting memories of our outings on the links. Sadly, in October 1982, one of our foursome died in a car accident.

The following summer, the three of us left behind decided to start a golf tournament to honor our friend. The first outing had 12 players. Over the next decade it steadily grew, and we typically had 88 participants. During years 13-23, another good friend took the reins and did a great job. Through it all, we raised more than $100,000 for a scholarship fund at our high school in Fort Worth. After the 2005, tournament, everyone knew the time had come to end it.

Then one year ago this week, another friend reached out and asked if we would allow him to restart it. “That was such a wonderful chance for everyone to get together every year,” he said. “I’d be willing to do all the work, if you guys will tell me what needs to happen.” Of course, we said yes, and on Sunday 40 of our long-time players will tee it up in the 24th Paul Knippel Memorial.

I turned 23 the week of that first tournament. Everyone who played was within a few years of my age. Now we’re on either side of 50. This time, my 17-year-old son is playing with me, along with my 21-year-old nephew and my brother. By grace, those of us in the Class of ’78 have lived a lot of life Paul never had the opportunity to experience. Somewhere, he’ll be smiling as we gather again. Life passes quickly. Make sure you reconnect with those who matter.

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I’m Just Saying

Recently I decided to disengage from some of the community involvement in my life. I’m not re-upping for a board position when my three-year term is up in May, and in the past week I turned down two new requests to join committees. The reason is simple, if self-centered: our two kids remaining at home are teenagers who participate in sports, and I don’t want to miss any more of their games.

Interestingly, saying ‘No’ is one of the hardest things for many people – and occasionally a challenge for me. That’s why my business partner (who’s also my wife) will sit me down every so often and say, “So tell me again why you agreed to do that.” The reasons for this inability to decline, at least in my case, are based on: 1) wanting to please; and 2) not wanting to miss out on something that could ultimately lead to more revenue.

Over the weekend I facilitated the recurring quarterly meeting of one the focus groups I lead. As the seven business owners presented their financial statements and “Rocks” (read: 2011 goals), half of them spoke of things they need to stop doing. They, too, struggle with knowing when enough is enough – or recognizing when less becomes more.

My recent decisions were made easier by the response I received from one of the folks who asked me to be on his committee: “David, your desire to be with your family at this critical time during their youth is respected and understood. We will indeed miss your wisdom and intuition about institutional dynamics. Please know that even though you may not be formally involved, your input is ALWAYS welcome.”

There will be more opportunities to serve down the road. Keep that in mind the next time someone asks, and your instincts are shouting, “I need to pass on this one.” Go with your gut. You’ll come out ahead in the long run.

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