Tag: part

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Always Remember

Last week, our youngest – for an 8th grade class – had to interview someone about the ‘most historical moment’ of his/her lifetime. She chose her grandfather, who just celebrated his 80th birthday. He told her the assassination of JFK tops his list, as he was too young to remember Pearl Harbor, although having spent 27 years as a naval fighter pilot beginning in 1954, he certainly understands the meaning and significance of ‘a date which will live in infamy.’

I was three-and-a-half on November 22, 1963, and have been fascinated by JFK since my sophomore geography teacher told us about his experience as a senior in high school in Dallas on that fateful day. I’ve read most of the conspiracy books, watched all the famous news programs, walked Dealey Plaza and spent time in the Sixth Floor Museum. I’ve even seen Lee Harvey Oswald’s unmarked grave in Rose Hill cemetery – a hunt completed with my sister and brother-in-law on the 25th anniversary of the tragedy.

Today, we remember the victims of 9/11, so I asked our daughter – who’s a senior in college – what she recalls from being a sixth grader in 2001:

“They didn’t tell us about it right away, but we knew something was wrong, because teachers were crying and kids were being picked up. After a while we had this assembly, and the guy basically told us God had performed so many miracles that day, which didn’t make sense to me. Oh, and I remember asking one of the lunch aides why kids were leaving, and she said ‘must be a lot of dentist appointments.’ None of the adults knew how to handle the situation. They saw us as kids, but a lot changed for us on that day. As part of the post-9/11 generation, I think we would better handle something like this, or at least know how to talk about it.”

It’s a common conversation piece to ask those who experienced historical moments where they were and what they were doing when they found out. For those alive today, the discussions might include the Crash of 1929, Pearl Harbor, Germany’s surrender, Jackie Robinson, JFK, the Beatles on Ed Sullivan, Neil Armstrong, Nixon’s resignation, Challenger, the fall of the Berlin Wall and 9/11.

Of course, as time passes, memories become less clear. Yet, as long as we pause to reflect, those dramatic events will remain part of who we are as a nation. We’ll pass them on to future generations, and hopefully teach them new lessons. A friend who’s a printer made a magnet for clients a couple of weeks after 9/11. He gave one to us. It shows an American flag and says, “We Will Never Forget.” We haven’t. It’s still on our refrigerator.

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Center Point

Four of my friends from church and I have lunch together once a month, rotating who picks the restaurant. These 90-minute gatherings are simply the ‘in person’ part of what plays out in email between gatherings. During those written discussions we share editorials from various online newspapers, comment on the happenings in the world and trade a lot of friendly barbs – always in good humor and with the purpose of getting each other to think. Sometimes these dialogues may happen frequently on a good news day.

While all of us fall to the right on the political pendulum, I am the one who sits closest to the middle. In fact, I jokingly refer to myself as, “The liberal Catholic among us.” One of our recent exchanges was about the budget deficit standoff and who was at fault. The member who leans waaaay toward conservative blamed the president and Democrats for their insistence that a tax hike be included in any new legislation. I assumed my typical role – playing devil’s advocate: “What about those Tea Party members who refuse to budge on any of their tenets, even if it leads to an agreement?” His response: “They’re doing the right things. The other side is wrong.”

To me this is a microcosm of the biggest challenge impacting leadership. Whenever someone takes the position of ‘I think it, so it must be correct,” there is the danger of missing the opportunity to create a better result. It’s only through a willingness to hear other ideas and consider different approaches that true growth occurs. Lines in the sand and one-sided viewpoints don’t lead to change. They simply keep things heading down the same path.

This month it’s my turn to choose where to eat. When I gave two options and said we could decide the morning of lunch, one of my group wrote, “Sounds like you’re kicking the can down the road, just like Congress.” I wrote back: “Actually, I’m trying to model that the art of compromise happens every day in the real world… and usually makes for a more enjoyable meal.”

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Forward Motion

Over the last year I worked to develop a relationship with a large company in the transportation industry. This included starting over midway through when the person who oversees their coaching practice left the organization. Several months after that setback I had a terrific conversation with the new director. Finally, on her recommendation, I interviewed with two HR specialists to become part of their stable of coaches. I waited patiently as two weeks passed without hearing a word. Then I received an email informing me they selected someone else.

As the disappointment set in that I wouldn’t be coaching their senior leaders, I felt the dejection of rejection. It’s not a feeling I enjoy, and it’s one reason being a salesperson will never be in my career plans. I moped around for about an hour, went outside for some fresh air and about every 30 minutes until bedtime kept falling back into wondering what went wrong.

The next morning I woke up refreshed and with a new attitude. While I could have sat around feeling sorry for myself – ‘How could they not choose me?’ – that would have only wasted time. It wouldn’t have changed anything.

Then wisdom arrived: This was not about me being qualified or talented enough to coach their leaders; it was about the decision-maker selecting what is best – from her perspective – for their organization. My role in the process was to be authentic. I did my part. She did hers. This time there wasn’t alignment. Tomorrow will be another opportunity with another organization. I’m ready.

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Revolutionary Times

Tunisia. Egypt. Libya. The Middle East and North Africa are in turmoil as citizens stand up for their rights. It’s a long road. This quote appeared in today’s NY Times:

“Our task isn’t easy. We don’t have parties, we don’t have a constitution, we don’t have political organizations, we don’t have an effective civil society. We have to create a completely new state and we have to do it in the middle of a war and revolution.” ~ Mahmoud Bousalloum, graduate student and political organizer in Libya

History appears to be repeating itself. Our nation traveled this road 235 years ago. Below are the words of our founding fathers as the American Revolution drew near and citizens revolted against tyranny that inhibited their inherent rights:

“The ordaining of laws in favor of one part of the nation, to the prejudice and oppression of another, is certainly the most erroneous and mistaken policy. An equal dispensation of protection, rights, privileges, and advantages, is what every part is entitled to, and ought to enjoy.” ~
 Benjamin Franklin

“It does not require a majority to prevail, but rather an irate, tireless minority keen to set brush fires in people’s minds.” ~ Samuel Adams

“That these are our grievances which we have thus laid before his majesty, with that freedom of language and sentiment which becomes a free people claiming their rights as derived from the laws of nature, and not as the gift of their chief magistrate.”
~ Thomas Jefferson, 1774

“The battle, sir, is not to the strong alone; it is to the vigilant, the active, the brave.” ~ Patrick Henry, March 23, 1775

“Objects of the most stupendous magnitude and measure in which the lives and liberties of millions yet unborn are intimately interested, are now before us. We are in the very midst of a revolution the most complete, unexpected and remarkable of any in the history of nations.” ~ John Adams, Letter to William Cushing, June 9, 1776

“If we wish to be free, if we mean to preserve inviolate those inestimable privileges for which we have been so long contending, if we mean not basely to abandon the noble struggle in which we have been so long engaged, and which we have pledged ourselves never to abandon until the glorious object of our contest shall be obtained, we must fight!” ~ Patrick Henry

“The hour is fast approaching, on which the Honor and Success of this army, and the safety of our bleeding Country depend. Remember officers and Soldiers, that you are free men, fighting for the blessings of Liberty – that slavery will be your portion, and that of your posterity, if you do not acquit yourselves like men.” ~
 George Washington, 1776

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Small Step, Big Results

Part of my coaching work with executives consists of conducting feedback interviews with 10-12 of their supervisors, peers and direct reports. This provides insight into the perceptions of those who know the person being coached in a working relationship. Typically, three or four underlying behaviors arise that clients seek to improve during our coaching sessions.

While it’s better to have a detached third-person – like a coach – explore areas around what are Susie’s biggest strengths, where are ways Billy can be more successful and describe John’s communication style, you can do this on your own.

Choose a few folks who you interact with on a regular basis and ask them to sit down and share how they see you… giving them permission upfront to be candid. Listen closely to what they’re saying, taking a few ‘headline’ notes without being absorbed in capturing every word. Be sure not to react to anything you hear. This isn’t an exercise in right or wrong, good or bad; it’s exploratory research and a chance to learn.

These conversations should last less than 15 minutes. End each one by asking is there anything else I should know that would help me be a better leader? Then simply say thank you. There’s no need to accept, reject or negotiate any of their viewpoints. After you talk to everyone review your notes and look for patterns where you could do better. Chances are if there’s something you need to change more than one person mentioned it. Choose two or three that are important to you, and put together a self-improvement plan.

Circle back to tell each person how much you appreciate his or her helping you, and share the first things you’re going to address. This lets them know it wasn’t just a conversation that ended without action. Finally, select one person to serve as your accountability partner to ensure you stay focused on achieving change, and schedule brief ‘check in’ updates every few weeks for several months. Soon you’ll start seeing a better you.

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