Reflections by David Handler
My fourth most valuable lesson in 2011:
Better Ending – A friend’s daughter graduated in May after playing four years of collegiate softball. Each season she suffered a major injury yet kept battling back. Credit Suisse hired her when the person conducting the interview happened to have been a softball player whose career was injury-shortened. There’s usually a silver lining in all setbacks, if you’re willing to look for it.
Last week, our youngest – for an 8th grade class – had to interview someone about the ‘most historical moment’ of his/her lifetime. She chose her grandfather, who just celebrated his 80th birthday. He told her the assassination of JFK tops his list, as he was too young to remember Pearl Harbor, although having spent 27 years as a naval fighter pilot beginning in 1954, he certainly understands the meaning and significance of ‘a date which will live in infamy.’
I was three-and-a-half on November 22, 1963, and have been fascinated by JFK since my sophomore geography teacher told us about his experience as a senior in high school in Dallas on that fateful day. I’ve read most of the conspiracy books, watched all the famous news programs, walked Dealey Plaza and spent time in the Sixth Floor Museum. I’ve even seen Lee Harvey Oswald’s unmarked grave in Rose Hill cemetery – a hunt completed with my sister and brother-in-law on the 25th anniversary of the tragedy.
Today, we remember the victims of 9/11, so I asked our daughter – who’s a senior in college – what she recalls from being a sixth grader in 2001:
“They didn’t tell us about it right away, but we knew something was wrong, because teachers were crying and kids were being picked up. After a while we had this assembly, and the guy basically told us God had performed so many miracles that day, which didn’t make sense to me. Oh, and I remember asking one of the lunch aides why kids were leaving, and she said ‘must be a lot of dentist appointments.’ None of the adults knew how to handle the situation. They saw us as kids, but a lot changed for us on that day. As part of the post-9/11 generation, I think we would better handle something like this, or at least know how to talk about it.”
It’s a common conversation piece to ask those who experienced historical moments where they were and what they were doing when they found out. For those alive today, the discussions might include the Crash of 1929, Pearl Harbor, Germany’s surrender, Jackie Robinson, JFK, the Beatles on Ed Sullivan, Neil Armstrong, Nixon’s resignation, Challenger, the fall of the Berlin Wall and 9/11.
Of course, as time passes, memories become less clear. Yet, as long as we pause to reflect, those dramatic events will remain part of who we are as a nation. We’ll pass them on to future generations, and hopefully teach them new lessons. A friend who’s a printer made a magnet for clients a couple of weeks after 9/11. He gave one to us. It shows an American flag and says, “We Will Never Forget.” We haven’t. It’s still on our refrigerator.
Today marks the end of the annual three-week Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo. Anyone living outside of the Bayou City might think that’s just a small gathering of rowdy Texans whoopin’ and hollerin’ about steer wrestling and saddle bronc riding.
While there is that, this year more than two million people visited the exhibits and midway, and up to 74,000 fans piled into Reliant Stadium each day to see performances by entertainers like Sugarland, Janet Jackson, Tim McGraw, Keith Urban, Martina McBride, Lady Antebellum, Kid Rock, KISS and Brad Paisley.
Since 1932, the organization with 24,000 volunteers has contributed more than $235 million to area youth. It’s the heart of the city’s charitable efforts and an important ‘gotta be there’ social scene.
My 13-year-old daughter and I took advantage of a beautiful Spring Break day last week to pay $12 to park, drop $20 on games of chance, fork over $30 on food and – the best deal of all – spend just $20 to see CMA Female Vocalist of the Year Miranda Lambert.
Shortly after making our way through the entrance gate, I asked Kirsten to stop and turn around. I wanted to look over her shoulder to see if I recognized someone I knew in college. Although somewhat uncertain, I approached the man, said my name, and heard in reply, “David Handler, I know you.”
He immediately introduced me to his wife and two teenagers, and we spent a too quick 10 minutes reminiscing. I told Kirsten how we lived on the same floor in the huge Jester Center dormitory. I also reminded her that I’ve spoken to my kids about ‘the great amateur wrestler who never lost a match’ on many occasions.
My friend said he is an attorney in Houston, having graduated from UT Law School. His daughter smiled, embarrassed yet proud, when I told her what a great man she has for a father. It was a wonderful chance meeting after three decades, and we followed up by exchanging emails. Chances are 30 more years will pass without our crossing paths.
The next time you’re having a down day, think about my long lost friend who is achieving so much in life, and you’re sure to find inspiration. Stephon Breedlove – wrestling champion, attorney at law, family man – is blind. So is his wife.
When our youngest daughter was four, we were visiting friends out of town. She and their four-year-old were upstairs putting on dress-up clothes. The doorbell rang, and the police officer standing on the front porch explained there had been an emergency call from a child at the residence. Mystified as to what was going on, we asked the girls to explain, and ours said: “Daddy told me if I ever need help to dial 9-1-1. I didn’t know which dress to wear, so I called to ask.”
Fast-forward eight years… our soon-to-be teenager is having some challenges with a couple of girls at her junior high. She asks us what to do, and I say, “Be nice, and eventually they’ll be nice to you.” She tries. Things don’t improve. She seeks a different answer. This time she doesn’t call 911; she e-mails one of the counselors at the camp she attended last summer. Seems that young woman told all the campers: “If you ever need advice, feel free to contact me.”
There is wonderful beauty in my precocious child’s inherent trait to take things at face value. More importantly, she’s unafraid to ask anyone anything. That should serve her well eight years from now when she’s finishing college and starting to look for a job. You’ll be a better leader by utilizing her approach when you’re looking for answers. Ask questions. Then ask some more. I’ve seen it work firsthand.
Two weeks ago, we put down our 16-year-old Golden Retriever. It was the first time I ever had to do something like that. We had dogs as I was growing up, but a friend of the family was called upon to handle that task on the two occasions it was needed. I recall coming home once each from high school and college, and learning we were no longer pet owners. That sort of made the whole passing of life thing a non-event; which is why I never imagined what it would feel like to go through that process.
As the day grew near, I was helping her up to go to the bathroom and she had pretty much stopped eating. We knew in our hearts it was the right thing, yet it grew increasingly more difficult to think about the inevitable. We decided on Monday that it would happen on Thursday, and the next 72 hours were filled with each of us spending time alone with her.
For a decade in our current home, whenever someone held the gate to our driveway open a second too long, she would tear out and head off to the neighbors. On Wednesday night, we opened it for her, and after pausing to give me a “Is this a setup?” look, she gingerly walked out, and we accompanied her slowly to visit her favorite yards. Then we took pictures with each of us and her.
On Thursday morning, I awakened with that queasy feeling in my stomach, knowing what would happen. As the hour drew near, I kept telling myself, “You’re her best friend, and this is the greatest gift you can give her” – then the tears flowed. When we arrived at the vet, our dog that for so many years went crazy with excitement there gingerly walked inside. We all said goodbye, then our oldest daughter and I accompanied her into the room. She looked at us with tired eyes, and I knew she was saying, “It’s OK, I’m ready.” We loved on her some more, and the vet shared what each of the three shots would do. Within five minutes, it was over, and she seemed so at peace – having lived a wonderful life.
Our family spent the rest of the day together, sharing stories and looking at pictures of our departed member. By Monday, the pain was gone, and today we smile whenever we think of her (although I still look out the window and expect to see her rolling in the grass…and think about putting her out at bedtime). Personally, I believe “All dogs go to Heaven.” After all, wouldn’t God want to have the most lovable, forgiving, loyal creatures in his Creation around him!
Addendum: When she was three, our now college-age daughter loved to have us read the Madeline books to her. One day she blurted out, “When we get a dog, I’m going to name her like Madeline’s dog.” A year later, we did…and she did. A son and another daughter followed, and the entire family is blessed to have had Genevieve in our lives.