Fast:Forward Farther

The hometown Texans fired their coach and general manager this week – four games into a season with no wins. Stories are coming out about his treatment of others during seven years at the helm, and in particular how he acted recently.

When he was offensive coordinator in New England, Bill O’Brien’s nickname, given him by quarterbacks Tom Brady and Brian Hoyer, was ‘Teapot’… because he tended to boil over under stress. When HBO Hard Knocks featured the Texans in 2015 preseason, cameras captured O’Brien dropping F-Bombs.

“Yeah, I need to stop swearing, or cut it down at least,” he said. “My brother texted me, he thought it was awesome. My mom texted me, she didn’t think it was too awesome.”

In recent weeks, O’Brien allegedly got into shouting matches with players and assistant coaches – and there are reports he screamed at employees at the team’s headquarters.

As long as O’Brien was winning four AFC South titles in the past five seasons, the Texans overlooked his inability to control emotions. Lose a 24-0 lead against Kansas City in the playoffs, start 0-4, scream at the face of the franchise… and… Goodbye.

Perhaps it would have worked out differently had Bill O’Brien treated people better.

Over the years I’ve taken at least 15 different personality style assessments… those psychometric ‘tests’ that aren’t graded. Instead, they provide a view of our typical approach to how we see the world, how we behave and what we expect from others.

While I have no idea how the algorithms that make up these things work, each one nailed me, so there must be something to them beyond the power of suggestion. Still, I have debriefed several hundred clients on the one I’m certified in, and they often say, “Why did it ask the same questions over and over and what do those have to do with how I come across to people?”

“Would you rather work indoors or outdoors?”
“Do you daydream occasionally?”
“Do you sometime feel anger?”
“Do you sometime let your mind wander?”
“Are you mad on occasion?”
“Would you rather be outside or inside?”

At the end of each report-out session, I ask: “Did it capture you?” Over the past 13 years only one person, a graphic designer, pushed back. I told her that was a first… and a few months later – during our final meeting with her boss – she laughingly brought it up. Her boss looked at my client and said, “That’s your biggest problem. You are completely unaware of who you are and how you impact everyone in the office.”

At that moment, I remember wanting to climb under the table or disappear; however, the boss was on to something. The employee left the company a short time later, and said during her exit interview, “I’ve come to realize I’d be better off working by myself.”

While personality style assessments aren’t a tool to determine who to hire and fire – and, in fact, using them that way is likely illegal – they are instruments that bring to light our uniqueness. Understanding your natural style provides insight into ways you should continue to do things… and opportunities to adapt those traits that are getting in the way of your success.

Part II of II

In order for a client to self-discover their real needs and the actions they’ll take to address them, it’s important for a coach to stay in inquiry – asking open-ended questions that allow the client to look inward for answers they haven’t yet covered.

Here are examples of powerful questions that work for me:

What do you need to focus on right now?
In the story you just told me, what led you to react that way?
What’s the impact on others when you do that?
What’s behind that?
What’s getting in the way?
What part of this do you control?
How would you prioritize the options you just told me?
How realistic is that timetable?
What If you decided to do it this month instead of next quarter?
Who could help you?
Who else is involved in that decision?
What else could you do? (pause) And then what?
What have you written down so far?
Which of these are you most committed to doing?
On a scale of 0 (low) to 10 (high), what’s the likelihood you’ll do it?
What would it take to turn that 7 into an 8?
How will you hold yourself accountable?
How will you know when you’ve reached that goal?

It takes practice to continue asking powerful questions and not slip into a disguised suggestion: “Have you considered…?” While you never want to make the other person feel they’re being interrogated, remaining silent and allowing them time to think often leads to better decisions than you might have offered.

My favorite coaching sessions begin when a client says, “I don’t have much today.” I’ll say, “What’s one thing you thought about this morning that’s still on your mind?” That opens up a dialogue and usually ends with a “Wow!” or “Who knew I had so much to discuss.”