One of the creative gifts of humankind is crafting stories that paint vivid pictures in order to assign meaning to the world. Moses and 40 years wandering the desert. King Arthur and searching for the Holy Grail. Jay Gatsby and obsessing for Daisy.
Our minds quickly connect stories onto what we experience. Someone cuts me off in traffic: ‘What an idiot!’ Or, he might be really smart, just an unsafe driver. Someone crosses their arms during a conversation: ‘She must be upset with what I said.’ Or, she might be fully engaged, just cold. Someone on the side of the road holds up a sign asking for money: ‘He’s probably a lazy bum.’ Or, he might have mental illness, addiction or lost a child and doesn’t have the support for recovery.
Yesterday, I immediately judged someone after my swim. He was taking forever to finish his shower… delaying me from rinsing off, so I could be on my way. I mean he was ‘fully’ showering! Waiting several minutes 10 feet away – within his clear line of vision – made me angry. I told myself the story that he was inconsiderate, clueless and purposely doing it.
Then I caught myself and thought… or: maybe he’s a new member and no one told him the shower by the pool is just for rinsing; maybe he’s here as the guest of a friend who’s upstairs lifting weights, taking too long, and he’s going to be late for work; maybe the plumbing at his apartment is busted and this is his only option.
In my initial and revised reactions, I created the story without any facts… just my judgment about what I was seeing. The first ones – all negative – frustrated me. The second versions – all positive – didn’t raise any emotions. When I gave up, toweled off and left, I was in a much better place having thought of him in the better light.
