Category: Leadership

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Good Questions

When our youngest daughter was four, we were visiting friends out of town. She and their four-year-old were upstairs putting on dress-up clothes. The doorbell rang, and the police officer standing on the front porch explained there had been an emergency call from a child at the residence. Mystified as to what was going on, we asked the girls to explain, and ours said: “Daddy told me if I ever need help to dial 9-1-1. I didn’t know which dress to wear, so I called to ask.”

Fast-forward eight years… our soon-to-be teenager is having some challenges with a couple of girls at her junior high. She asks us what to do, and I say, “Be nice, and eventually they’ll be nice to you.” She tries. Things don’t improve. She seeks a different answer. This time she doesn’t call 911; she e-mails one of the counselors at the camp she attended last summer. Seems that young woman told all the campers: “If you ever need advice, feel free to contact me.”

There is wonderful beauty in my precocious child’s inherent trait to take things at face value. More importantly, she’s unafraid to ask anyone anything. That should serve her well eight years from now when she’s finishing college and starting to look for a job. You’ll be a better leader by utilizing her approach when you’re looking for answers. Ask questions. Then ask some more. I’ve seen it work firsthand.

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Cold Shoulders

When you live in Texas and see news about snowstorms affecting other parts of the country, you think, “Glad that’s not us.” Until, of course, when the Super Bowl decides to come to DFW. Watching ESPN the past few days, folks across America could have been convinced the Lone Star State is frozen tundra during February. Even here in Houston – 270 miles to the south – they’re predicting several inches of snow over the next 24 hours.

It’s amazing how easily perceptions are embedded deeply in folk’s minds. In my coaching work with executives, I’ll interview a dozen people the client feels know him or her best, then share their quotes without attribution. Inevitably I’ll hear from the client, “That comment about me being condescending refers to one thing that happened a couple of years ago.” Yet there it is, a big enough issue to a team member that he felt the need to tell me about it during our 15-minute conversation.

While a single comment may or may not be relevant to a leader’s long-term success, understanding that supervisors, peers and direct reports have long memories is important. That quip you blurt out in a meeting that makes light of someone’s slip-up – the one everybody laughs at and you think is completely harmless – may have a lasting impact on your relationship with the object of your humor.

The snow in DFW will be forgotten once the NFL leaves town and temperatures rise; perceptions others hold of you aren’t so easily changed. So if your relationship with someone seems to be on ice, ask her what you did. If she tells you, apologize. Chances are it’s not too late to repair the misstep you don’t remember and warm up the chill in the air.

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Lessons Learned – #1

The final lesson I learn each year isn’t business wisdom. It’s about recognizing a higher calling. Usually I introduce a charity that’s doing good things. For 2010 I took a different approach:

Gift of Giving – If you’re looking to spread some Christmas cheer or need a last-minute tax deduction, find a worthy cause that’s helping those in your local community. Something tells me they could use your kindness right now.

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Lessons Learned – #2

The countdown of the Top 10 lessons I learned during 2010 is almost complete. Here’s #2:

Humility Dose– For a decade my beloved Texas Longhorns were a mainstay near the top of the college football rankings. This year, an ugly seven losses. Fallout? Offensive coordinator and special teams coaches fired; defensive coordinator resigned to become the head coach at Florida. Organizations occasionally face times like these. It will be interesting to see how Mack Brown handles his greatest leadership challenge.

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Lessons Learned – #3

What’s the third most important lesson I learned during 2010?

Big Oops II – During a leadership meeting I facilitated, someone asked how to overcome those times when what you say comes out wrong. I eloquently explained: “If you speak in public, you’ll slip on occasion. Apologize and move on.” Two hours later, another person asked how to confront a team member who gets upset easily. My response: “Begin by acknowledging the conversation could become emotional.” I immediately felt the energy drain from the room, which consisted of 28 women and four men. For the next half hour the discussion was ‘words a guy should never say to a woman.’ Of course, I apologized… several times. My face may have turned red, too.

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