Category: Leadership

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Better Dialogue

This week during three separate coaching sessions, clients asked me how to be better at communicating. As I explored with each the ‘issue behind the issue’ it was clear the person felt he/she tended to jump into conversations in a rapid-fire, your turn/my turn manner.

“When we’re in meetings,” one said, “it’s as if the entire room is salivating in anticipation of a small sliver of an opening so someone else can speak. There’s never silence.”

I asked questions to help him find clarity about what his preferred style would be, and he realized the true desire is to not react poorly to something someone said. From his perspective, there is a tendency to say things abruptly that heighten the energy flowing around the room or in one-on-one discussions, then he regrets it afterward… and often has to circle back to conduct damage control.

There is a technique called ‘take a pause’ that I shared with him, and we did some role-playing so he could be comfortable with silence. The first time I asked him to remain silent for 10 seconds after I finished talking. I ran a stopwatch, and he was surprised to learn his first words came only six seconds later. We began to reduce the time expanse until he had a sense of the length of just a two-second moment of silence.

If you find yourself struggling with non-stop, rapid-fire conversations – or in meetings you’re chomping at the bit to get in a word edgewise, practice taking a pause. Not only will you have more peace inside, you’ll find your answers are more concise and appropriate. It’s amazing what a difference two seconds will make in your effectiveness.

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Backdoor Plans

Early this Monday morning I went through my daily exercise and stretching routine, then grabbed my swimsuit to change and head to the YMCA for my thrice-weekly hour in the pool. Glancing at my trunks, I noticed a three-inch long hole in the seam. Since I only keep one swimsuit on hand, I was disappointed there would be no swimming today. (My wife says I’ve become obsessed with the sport since taking it up two years ago… and I think she’s fairly accurate in that assessment.)

Suddenly, I sensed a tremendous surge of embarrassment flowing through my body, as it occurred to me that when I last swam, there is a strong possibility the lifeguards had a – how shall I say this? – unique view of my backside. Increasing that overwhelming feeling was the fact there is always an exercise class of older ladies occurring in the deep end while I swim. Wondering what they might have seen when I toweled off afterward added to my stress.

Having had a few minutes to think about this, it now seems rather humorous. There is a strong possibility no one noticed, and, if some did, well, it gave them a good laugh for a few minutes… or at least something to talk about when I left. (FYI: I always put on a pair of shorts over my swimsuit for the walk into and out of the Y, so get that vision out of your mind.)

Of course, there is a great lesson to be learned here. In everything you do, it’s important to ‘take a pause’ every so often and assess your organization – from top to bottom. You’ll be more successful by setting aside your routine for awhile to take a close look at the moving parts. That’s a much better approach than simply assuming everything is going along swimmingly.

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Graduation Days

I spent summer 1981 as an intern at KDFW-TV in Dallas. In late August, I was preparing to go back for my senior year at the University of Texas – needing just 18 hours to graduate – when sportscaster Dale Hansen pulled me into his office and said, “I want to offer you a job.” I replied: “Super. I graduate in May, and I’ll definitely be back.” Dale shook his head and said, “The job won’t be here in May, so if you want it, you start next week.”

The next few days are a blur, yet I recall Dale speaking with my parents and guaranteeing them I would finish my degree, driving to Austin to meet with the dean of the Journalism School and finding him surprisingly open to my request to create a special degree program, and accepting the position of sports producer for a starting salary of $5.05 per hour.

In 18 days our oldest daughter graduates from UT, and as with many students she’s trying to land that first job. I’m reading a lot lately by columnists questioning the value of a college degree when so many kids are finding it difficult to earn a salary commiserate with their education. Many of these writers suggest only getting a degree in something that’s highly marketable such as teaching, engineering or science.

That’s a great theory; however, it’s difficult to place an 18-year-old in that box. My three older brothers majored in finance. One became a lawyer and the other two earned advanced degrees. As a teenager, I grew so tired of hearing them talk about business that I decided to pursue another path.

When our first-born was in the womb, every night I whispered, “Left-handed hitting catcher” to her, figuring that would be a valuable skill someday. When a newborn girl appeared, each night during her 2 a.m. feeding, I looked her in the eyes and said, “You should be a doctor.” Instead, she grew to be a talented artist and musician. Her dual degrees are in French and Linguistics, and she’s completing an internship at a museum. That’s the career she’d like to pursue.

While the financial road may be challenging, I am confident she’ll find the path to a joyful life. Everyone has different gifts and we should encourage our children to utilize each of their individual ones. Some of the most frustrated folks I’ve met are those who pursued a career ‘because my parents wanted me to’ and ended up in jobs they couldn’t stand.

Eventually, I fulfilled Dale’s promise to my parents – taking one class each semester for two years at UT-Arlington then returning to UT-Austin for a summer session – earning my degree in August 1984. Now 31 years after getting my break in television, I’ve changed careers three times – owning a travel company, working in franchising and going on nine years as an executive coach. My advice: pursue what you love. Everything else will take care of itself.

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Promised Land

When I was nine, the Texas Longhorns won the national championship running the new Wishbone offense. I listened to all their games on the radio – every gridiron clash wasn’t on TV in 1969 – and came to revere the quarterback… James Street. He was my boyhood hero. About 25 years ago, I met him at a dinner, and found myself completely in awe and speechless.

The only other celebrity I hold in the highest esteem is Bruce Springsteen. (And if you’ve read any of my newsletters over the last nine years, you already knew that.) It’s not Springsteen the man I admire… for he has plenty of flaws and is the first to admit them. It’s the poet and rocker who looks at the canvas of our world and artistically comments on what he sees. Of course, you can’t mention The Boss without including his incredibly talented E Street Band. I’ve seen them play at least a dozen times since 1978.

In the last few years, Springsteen’s keyboardist Danny Federici and saxophonist Clarence Clemons passed away. Imagine losing two people you stood beside on stage for more than 40 years. That must create a deep hole in your heart and big talent gap in your performance.

The redesigned E Street Band, featuring new members including Clarence’s nephew on sax, just embarked on a worldwide tour. On the first night, during Tenth Avenue Freezeout, at the point where Springsteen normally sings, “When the change was made uptown and the Big Man joined the band,’ everyone went silence in a tribute to their departed mate.

“We spent a lot of time thinking about this show and talking about it,” guitarist Steve Van Zandt told Rolling Stone this month. “The horn section was a good answer to the unanswerable: ‘How do you replace Clarence Clemons?’ Well, you don’t. It’s real simple. The same way you replace Danny Federici. You don’t. You have somebody else playing those parts, but you have to do something else, you have to morph it into a hybrid of what you were. It’s not going to be the same.”

Every team – sports, music and business – loses members… whether by trade, termination or death. While those times create difficult challenges, there is always someone new ready for his/her opportunity. As a leader, your job is to give them a chance to shine. When it happens, remember the wisdom of Born to Run: “Someday girl I don’t when we’re gonna get to that place where we really want to go and we’ll walk in the sun…”

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Look Inward

Over the weekend a Focus Group I facilitate met in Naples, FL to once again take an in-depth look at the financial, marketing and operational sides of their businesses. Many of these seven franchisees rank among the sales leaders in their system, yet they value the importance of getting together each quarter to share, challenge and learn from one another.

Among the key metrics tracked and reviewed are Percentage of Salaries compared to Sales and Sales per Employee. One member has lagged in these categories for a while, so the group recommended it’s time to address the situation by either changing the makeup of the workforce, reducing headcount or increasing sales to make the ratios fall into line.

Not surprisingly, there was pushback to this suggestion, with the franchisee saying things like: “In our market we wouldn’t get a single resume if we advertised for anything less than what we currently pay,” “We couldn’t get out the door this much sales without the skills these folks bring” and “If we were to reduce salaries even slightly, there would be an uprising.”

Of course, the other owners and me countered with: “How will you know until you try?” “Might it be possible bringing in new energy in a few positions might give you more capacity?” and “So you’re happy with your employees maintaining their income while yours continues to fall as health insurance and other expenses rise?”

Owning your own business means you take all the risks. You cover mistakes out of your profit. You pay yourself last. Every franchisee or small business owner I know previously worked for someone else at some point during their career, so they’ve seen both sides. It may seem cold-hearted to make tough decisions about your employees, yet it’s part of the responsibility that comes with being the boss. As one of my first clients told me nine years ago, “The only place a business will run itself is into the ground.”

When the numbers don’t add up and cash flow is tight, you have to make the difficult call to protect the organization. Otherwise, one day you may wake up and be out of business.

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